-camera pans over to the boys who are sitting in a half circle in four chairs-
Paul: Yes, welcome, welcome! Since today is the first show, we will be reading fan mail!
John: I thought we were doing that so the person would be watching and we wouldn't have to write back.
Paul: -through clenched teeth- Shh, Lennon.
George grabs a huge brown sack from behind the chair. Letters and boxes are falling out as he places it in front of them.
George: -clears throat- Okay, the first letter is from Tyronne in Brooklyn, New York. Tyronne writes:
Yo' muzak be the shiznit.
-George looks at the other confusedly. They just shrug their shoulders.-
Umm, okay Tyronne. Thanks for the lovely letter. Who's next, Rings?
-Ringo grabs a letter that has blood stains on the envelope-
Ringo: This letter is from Shineequa and Shenaynay of Harlem. They write:
You's be soo gangsta! We loves the way you sing about bitches an' ho's. Pleez write about us. That would be so trippin'
-Ringo raises eyebrow as he reads the letter-
Thank you Shineequa and Shenaynay. We'll get back to you on writing that song.
John: Why are all the fans writing these weird letters?
-Paul looks pointedly at the camera-
Paul: John Lennon did not mean to say that our fans are weird, nor did he imply that he is bigger than the fans, and/or
Jesus Christ. Thank you.
-John shakes his head-
John: Paul, why do you always try to take matters into your own hands? That's Eppy's job!
-cuts to George-
George: Shout out to Eppy! Peace dawg!
-cuts back to the others, who give George a confused look-
Paul: -rolls eyes- Whatever.Let's open some of these packages.
John: Ohhh! Me first! -grabs package off of the floor-
This is from Pimp Master G to the Angster of Compton.
-John rips open box- -crack falls on floor-
John, George, and Ringo: CRACK!!
-they drop to the floor and start sniffing the crack-
Paul: Guys! Cut it out! They're not supposed to know that we're drug addicts!
-continue to sniff crack-
Paul: That's it. Sorry, but that's all for today, I'm Paul McCartney, hoping your friends aren't as weird as mine.
John: Paul, stop trying to do everything!
Paul: -sternly- I don't do everything!
CREDITS (typed by Paul McCartney)
Wardrobe provided by: Paul McCartney
Jewlery provided by: Ringo Starr
Furniture provided by: Paul McCartney
Letters provided by: fans
Fans provided by: Paul McCartney
Coffee made by: Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney made by: Jim and Mary McCartney
Other three Beatles controlled by: Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney controlled by: Paul McCartney
Floor installed by: Paul McCartney
Hosted by: Paul McCartney (and three of his friends)
Taser gun for controlling John Lennon provided by: Paul McCartney
This has been a Paul McCartney Inc. production.